both times i threw up from drinking...

were with a guy with the same name.

cooincidence? perhaps.

now, mind you, i have only thrown up from alcohol twice ever. yes, really. and both times it was like throwing up liquor, not really any food. i just drank too much on an empty stomach, and ended up coughing up a crapload of liquid poison.

first time, was a date in san fran. took me out bar hopping. one too many patron shots ended up with me hovering over the bathroom sink of the dimly lit dive bar. it should have been a big clue when he didn't even come to check on me and still tried to have sex with me right after.

maybe the company made me barf, not the booze?

next time, was at my old bf's concert. open bar+empty stomach=me hacking up 5 vodka tonics into the toilet of a crappy bar. we were newly dating, so the idea of him coming to my drunken aid was horrifying, but at that point i was appreciative even as i yelped, "no, go away. i'm fine." the best part was that while he was in the stall next to me, peering over at me (since i wouldn't unlock the door) two young sluts came into his stall and proceeded to make out. his attention suddenly was diverted to the quasi-lesbian sluts and not his barfing gf. even *I* can appreciate the humor in that!

now i'm not sure if i will be barfing from booze again in the future, but it's highly unlikely. i learned to eat before i binge drink. but to be on the safe side, from now on i will avoid this "R" name like the plague, since more than likely i will be throwing up from over-drinking in his company.

nope, still not friends...are we?

ugh. i can't think of anything more torturous than a break-up. even in the current case, where i have ZERO desire to be with him any more, it still hurts. i don't know why i'm upset over a guy i really don't want in the first place.

i guess i've never stopped *hoping* he'd be the guy i wanted. yes, i can see all your heads shaking when you read this. guys don't change. no matter how much you want them to, no matter hard you try...not gonna happen.

even after i declared i didn't want to be friends w/the X, i ended up sleeping with him. i'm NOT doing a good job here.

i initially went over there just to get my shit & tell him to take a short walk off a long pier. it was so akward, he kept trying to pump information out of me, "what's wrong, hon?".

i gave the standard girl answer- "nothing, i'm fine."

we ended up talking, which led to laughing, which led to making out, which led to sex.

fuck! i need to find someone else to have sex with so i don't keep hurting myself. i still get a twinge of pain when i am with X, remebering when i was full of hope for our relationship and thinking this may be the guy.

i am torn between sadness and complete apathy, occasionally i feel hatred and despise, though for what reason i cannot yet identify.

we have exchanged a few emails but have not seen each other. the feelings are dimming, but still there. the sexual chemistry is still there, and that's what is most dangerous.

no. more. seeing. him.