the X...the countdown to his departure

i've been so sad today. i almost feel like i'm experiencing the breakup all over again. i am feeling such a depth of loss that i can't shake it.

i spent the evening with the X last night. it was bittersweet. he came over, immediately telling me how beautiful & sexy i looked (i will admit i got extra dolled up for him). we just sat on my bed and hugged for the first 15 minutes, telling each other how much we will miss the other.

i brushed his hair back, looking into the same green eyes i looked into for the last year...knowing i may never see again. i made him promise this wouldn't be goodbye.

we went out on a "date", which included a romantic moonlit dinner (where we had one of our first dates), flirty looks, nostalgia, holding hands, compliments and a sexual tension so thick you could cut it with a knife.

after reminiscing about our relationship, i almost forgot why we split up int he first place. i hate that confusion, i hate questioning decisions. why did he have to be so charming a week before he moved across the country??? for the night, i was back in love with him. for the night, we were back together and things were back to perfect. for the night, i was loved.

an amazing date turned into amazing sex. the kind of sex that is mind-blowing because not only is it physically perfect, it is mentally surreal.

when he left i had a mixture of emotions, i still don't know how to feel. i miss him in my life. i will miss him terribly when he moves. i realized i still love him.

i still love him.