my dog is the perfect bf

i have decided that from this day forward i will not be dating any man who does not treat me as well as my dog does. sprite is a fine specimen of how to treat a lady. guys should take note of his chivalry and respect.

here are wonderful examples of how sprite impresses his hot mama...

*get excited when he sees me.
the tail is wagging, the eyes are wide & the tongue is out. sprite displays his excitement obviously whenever i walk into the room. when i call his name and tell him i love him- he goes nuts with joy. he skips blissfully around my feet when i walk in the door. there's nothing to be said for playing it cool. guys, show us girls you are interested! show us you look forward to seeing us. show us that our presence makes you piddle on the floor.

*he believes in public displays of affection.
whenever the mood strikes, sprite will press his face on my mouth as a signal he needs some kisses. he is never embarrassed to want to be hugged, stroked, pet, kisses or snuggled. he sighs in ecstasy when rubbed the right way on his belly. if we are in petco or starbucks, he doesn't look around to see if anyone else is watching- he just gives me a big lick.

*he is the perfect gentleman in bed
hmm...ok...well, that's not always a plus for the guys i date. occasionally, that is fun. for the most part i like the guy to be bad. woah- not *bad* in bed...but...uh...ya...you get it...

*he always thinks i look beautiful
i roll out of bed with bed head and smudgy makeup and he looks at me like i'm angelina jolie at the oscars. i'm always ready for my close-up with sprite. with morning mouth or stinky gym clothes on- i am still a beautiful princess. he doesn't complain about my dirty socks or shoes. i think he may actually prefer me unshowered vs. me smelling like vanilla. i like my men totally delusional like sprite. just take a tip from him and you'll be set.

*he doesn't get jealous.
i may pet another dog but he knows i'm going home with him. my heart belongs to sprite. no need to ever wonder if i'm wanting to take home a lab or a bulldog...my little chi/terrier fits me like a glove.

*he doesn't care if i'm taller.
shoeless i'm 5'8". i am a fan of heels. i run into this issue a lot. sprite is secure enough in his manhood (even though he is neutered) to be the short one of the pair. so what if i have to bend over to kiss him???

*he acts proud to be seen with me.
never does he act embarrassed to seen with me. if anything, he acts proud- like i am a very very desirable owner, so the other dogs should be envious of his spoiled status. he likes the other dogs to wonder how he got such a foxy biotch. if anything, it just makes the other dogs think he's either rich or has a huge penis.

*he makes me laugh
nothing is more hilarious than seeing my dog pounce on an unsuspecting bug with the ferociousness of a tiger. he seems to have perfect timing when to deliver a funny. he is extremely entertaining & i never get bored. men- make me laugh & you have my heart.

*he listens
i can talk & talk to sprite, yet he never gets bored or interrupts. he doesn't mind if i forget & tell him a story a few times. or if i jump from topic to topic when i get excited. he seems to relish in the sound of my voice. that's heaven to us ladies.

*he isn't easily embarrassed
this is the dog who wore a t-shirt that stated "bitches love me" as a tiny puppy. this is the guy who carries a pink beanie baby teddy bear by choice. he sometimes wears a backpack full of condoms to pass out to unsuspecting passers-by. he doesn't give a shit who may think what about him when he does whatever he feels like in public. it's great! guys-if you cannot handle public stupidness, you cannot handle me.

as i type this, i am in bed & sprite is snuggling up behind my bent legs. this is a plain and clear statement to all you men out there. if you want to impress me, ask yourself w.w.s.d?

what would sprite do?