some misc thoughts on dating me

first off, i am not that hard to please of a girl. (i mean that in the general term...not the sexual way, you perv!). i'm complex but not. to sum it up, i just like being treated like gold & i'll give the guy the world and then some. seemingly easy arrangement, right? not always.

i'm happy, confident, positive, ambitious, clever and a handful...not to mention, a perverted mind wrapped up in a trouble-making body. this requires a certain type of guy. not all guys enjoy such a chick. it demands a very self-assured, easy going, slightly nutty guy to mesh with such a spazzy broad...a guy who'd realize that, although i may get hit on in the bathroom line, my eyes are still on him & i'm still going home with him...a guy who is shamelessly uninhibited enough to do britney spears karaoke or wear vinyl pants or dance really bad in public (all at the same time gets bonus points) for the sake of making me laugh. yet, it also requires the most simple of men at the same time...a guy who can appreciate taking my mini-dog to the park and who'd bring me a pack of sixlets since they're my favorite candy. quite a predicament.

now, unlike the typical girl, i don't expect a guy to read my mind & then change the rules mid-arguement. i don't brood in my pissed-off-ness and then answer "if you don't know i won't tell you" when he asks what's the matter. i don't give him needless drama. i expect to be treated at a certain level of respect and at times, a certain level of naughtiness. i expect to be treated exceptional, however, i always return that treatment. i expect, also, a guy to be conscientious of little things that are important to me, but may not matter to the rest of the female population. on the flip side, i am the coolest chick when it comes to letting "typical guy behavior" slide. i can hang with the guys, i like my space. i won't ever ask him if i look fat. i probably want sex more than he does, and catch me on the right day & you'll cross some things off your sexual "to-do" list...then after, i'll just ask for a sandwich, not a chat.

so basically, i'm saying i'm the coolest chick out there & any guy would be a lucky bastard to date me.

this is begining to sound like a sales pitch...sorry. i will get to the thesis of my thought train this evening.

i have been thinking, over the last month, of things i will require of the next bf i have. things that may not seem like a big deal, yet mean the world to me. little things that i have been sorely starving for with the last few guys i've dated. this also works as a cheat sheet for any interested suitors. see gents, i give you the answers to the test beforehand. anyone who doesn't score 100% doesn't deserve to go to first base.

these are the first handful of things i thought of, in no particular order, just whatever comes out of my head first. these are things that are minut yet monumental, and i couldn't date someone who didn't do it. things guys should do:

* give me an unsolicited backrub. this is a no-brainer, guys. do this and i'm putty in your hands. but asking for it somehow ruins the experience. just figure a girl always wants that, just like we figure you always want sex.

* if you think i look cute/pretty/hot/sexy/etc, please don't keep that to yourself. chances are, i spent extra time getting that way just for you, you tard...so say something!!!

* walk my dog with me/go to the dog park with me. he is the light of my life, so anyone whom i'd date has to realize the glory of sprite. even if you aren't a dog person (i'll probably know this already about you), the gesture is worth a million bucks and will make me indebted to you later on when you're tugging on my zipper.

* know how i like my coffee/my drink of choice/what flavor ice cream i like. it's not hard to be a little observant, dudes. if i can gather that you prefer grey goose over kettle, you can notice i like 2 sugars in my iced tea. you may think nothing of it, but we notice every little thing you do for us. you order my coffee at starbucks just how i like it & i'll be in heaven. i'll be like "oh he's so rad, he knows just how i like my mocha, i feel so special" and you'll be like "she knows what a super cool guy i am, i'm totally getting laid cuz of this".

* bring me flowers. i know, i'm going to get some flack for this. i don't mean the cliche roses on valentine's day. i mean something cute like one flower on my car or bringing them just because it's wednesday. when it's not expected it's most effective. it's not the pricetag, it's the thought. it's the idea you got me a pink daisy (my fav) just because that would make me all goosebump-y, not some big gaudy long stem red roses. ick.

* open the door/ hold my jacket/pull out my chair/walk on the street side of the sidewalk. listen up guys, these are mandatory acts, not optional. i would never accept a date w/a guy who didn't hold the door. being a gentleman is never a bad move. chivalry is NOT dead! it's very much alive and being used as foreplay by very smart men.

* don't shave. it doesn't get any hotter than scruff on a guy. i'm getting excited at the very though. if you know it's a turn on for me, why not let the face grow on your days off? especially if you are regularly a shaver, i'll know you did it just for my pleasure. so skip the razor! trust me, you'll be glad you did.

* let me wear your clothes. never have i had a more favorite outfit that boxers and a tank top, owned by a guy i'm into. of course i have to do the rolling waistband thing on the shorts and tie the tank top up around my stomach, just to girl-ify the items. i get them smelling all manly & you will get them back smelling like vanilla. i do believe this is a universally favored practice, one that i am not looking to change anytime soon.

* let me be the big spoon. don't worry, you won't be any less macho to me. i won't tell your friends. don't ask, i have no explanation for my preference. just think of how easy it is for me to do a reach around on you and you will forget you are the little spoon.

*and for fuck's sake-PERSUE ME!!!!!!!!! i am an outgoing chick who generally favors the quiet type guys. this makes things horribly frustrating for me when they don't pick up hints or are too shy to take initiative to persue me. guys-grow some balls and ask me out. i'm not doing the job for you any more!!!

that's all i can think of at this late hour. no doubt, i will come up with more the second i shut off my laptop. feel free to remind me of ones i forgot.