confessions serve only one purpose
TO MAKE THE CONFESSOR FEEL BETTER!!
i repeat- you confess some deep dark secret that should have stayed where it was, the idea is completely self-serving & selfish. the other person feels worse & you feel better. where is the logic in that?!
the person with the secret to purge should be forced to hold it in until the explode, not just verbally vomit on the confessee until their well-deserved burdon is lifted.
case in point- some dumbass that i went out with last year. the details escape me regarding our situation. he was not my type, but he was alright. no big sparks, no real chemistry. out of our approx. 2 months of going out i think i only slept with him once, maybe twice- i can't remember. looking back i always found that odd that he never really initiated. but, this evening i come to find out why.
backround info: i hadn't talked to this guy in about 6 months. things fizzled out, he went to work out of town for a while. we both moved. no big deal, no great loss. ambivalent is a good description of me.
he calls tonight to spill his guilty guts. he says he just broke up w/his finace. i tell him i'm sorry. i said how long had you guys been dating. he said two years.
my brain quickly did the math while i waited for his explaination. yep, that overlapped with our brief encounter. he just said sorry and that he had felt really guilty for that.
they say hindsight is 20/20 and this case is no exception. looking back, he did display some weird behaviors that i just attributed to the transitional state of his life. i never did see his place, he always came to mine. ya, he probably was living with her. we didn't really go out on the weekends, but i was going out w/other guys (note- we were not even close to being exclusive or serious or even bf/gf) and led a busy life.
all of this comes back to the point of his confession. his dumb secret had been eating him up inside so he decides to spew it on me. i end up feeling a little ick (not super big deal ick, just kinda) and he feels a lifted weight from his shoulders. thanks, buddy. he wanted a 'get out of jail free' card, if he "came clean" or "was clear and honest" with me, i would excuse his behavior and then what? sleeping with him? be buddies? go on and drift back into oblivion? who cares?!
i guess i should give him some tiny shred of credit for attempting to apologize and clear the slate. ok, we can make nice. even though i was never really mad in the first place. is that what i do? he said sorry, he said he felt horrible if he hurt me or made things weird or confusing. i said ok, i wasn't mad or hurt and i hoped he gets what he wants in life.
if it were anyone i was serious about i think it would have hit me a little harder. if it was a relationship i had anything invested in, i would be a little more pissed perhaps. but because it was so casual to me (and i was pretty much in love w/s) that i can take it in stride and not have it affect me.
what to make of this news? do i become more jaded about the "single" guys i am meeting? do i chalk it up to nothing more that wrong timing or poor judgement? for now i will let it sit in my brain fodder folder for a later date. a later date that i actually give a shit.
i repeat- you confess some deep dark secret that should have stayed where it was, the idea is completely self-serving & selfish. the other person feels worse & you feel better. where is the logic in that?!
the person with the secret to purge should be forced to hold it in until the explode, not just verbally vomit on the confessee until their well-deserved burdon is lifted.
case in point- some dumbass that i went out with last year. the details escape me regarding our situation. he was not my type, but he was alright. no big sparks, no real chemistry. out of our approx. 2 months of going out i think i only slept with him once, maybe twice- i can't remember. looking back i always found that odd that he never really initiated. but, this evening i come to find out why.
backround info: i hadn't talked to this guy in about 6 months. things fizzled out, he went to work out of town for a while. we both moved. no big deal, no great loss. ambivalent is a good description of me.
he calls tonight to spill his guilty guts. he says he just broke up w/his finace. i tell him i'm sorry. i said how long had you guys been dating. he said two years.
my brain quickly did the math while i waited for his explaination. yep, that overlapped with our brief encounter. he just said sorry and that he had felt really guilty for that.
they say hindsight is 20/20 and this case is no exception. looking back, he did display some weird behaviors that i just attributed to the transitional state of his life. i never did see his place, he always came to mine. ya, he probably was living with her. we didn't really go out on the weekends, but i was going out w/other guys (note- we were not even close to being exclusive or serious or even bf/gf) and led a busy life.
all of this comes back to the point of his confession. his dumb secret had been eating him up inside so he decides to spew it on me. i end up feeling a little ick (not super big deal ick, just kinda) and he feels a lifted weight from his shoulders. thanks, buddy. he wanted a 'get out of jail free' card, if he "came clean" or "was clear and honest" with me, i would excuse his behavior and then what? sleeping with him? be buddies? go on and drift back into oblivion? who cares?!
i guess i should give him some tiny shred of credit for attempting to apologize and clear the slate. ok, we can make nice. even though i was never really mad in the first place. is that what i do? he said sorry, he said he felt horrible if he hurt me or made things weird or confusing. i said ok, i wasn't mad or hurt and i hoped he gets what he wants in life.
if it were anyone i was serious about i think it would have hit me a little harder. if it was a relationship i had anything invested in, i would be a little more pissed perhaps. but because it was so casual to me (and i was pretty much in love w/s) that i can take it in stride and not have it affect me.
what to make of this news? do i become more jaded about the "single" guys i am meeting? do i chalk it up to nothing more that wrong timing or poor judgement? for now i will let it sit in my brain fodder folder for a later date. a later date that i actually give a shit.
posted by issuegirl at 11:06 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home