back on my man-diet

it was bound to happen since i was cheating. i have not been doing a good job of not dating. last night was like an overeater getting food poisoning. it was probably just what i needed anyway. the thoughts first go "hmm maybe i shouldn't be doing this", then go to "ah just this one more time", then transition to "yum yum yeah yeah good idea" then go horribly the other direction with the sick stomach feeling of failure and thoughts of "dammit, why did i do that again? what's wrong with me?".

i cheated-AGAIN. i went out with a guy. well, that's not a completely accurate statement. i ATTEMPTED to go out.

i have been trying to not go out on any more blind dates either. there's just too much of the unknown factor i have to deal with to make it not really worth my $3 of makeup to get all hot'd up for the dude. and with gas prices like they are, it's usually not worth my $5.23 worth in gas (each way) to go downtown.

long story short, we never ended up meeting last night. he was like 30 minutes late, trashed and a pretty jerky drunk at that. so i left the bar & said "no thanks, buddy". guys just don't get it. that's too bad, because he was really cute & actually smart seeming (something VERY rare in so cal).

since everything happens for a reason, i'm sure this event was just what i need to put me back on track & stop thinking about men. or maybe realizing i shouldn't be going out with them...i'll keep thinking about them. just because i'm on a diet doesn't mean i can't look at the menu.