i hate birthdays

just like all the holidays, i don't do my birthday either. but, just as all the rest of the days, 5/27 is no big deal. no presents, no cards, no cake, no candles, not even a brief "happy birthday" tossed my way. you may find it sad, i consider it normal for me.

i guess in some bitchy way to punish me, my mom has not yet even mentioned that she knew it was my birthday. i'm sure there was something i did that she can use as a justification to give me the silent treatment, who knows. something really bad like forgetting to turn the light off or shut the dryer door. something THAT horrible.

for reasons i really don't want to discover, i have always been uncomfortable with attention given to me. i have grown up feeling that i was selfish or somehow inferior if i ever desired anything special, this includes a whole DAY for just being born. so, i go through life ignoring the yearly milestones that mark my age.

i will spend today at the park with the creatures that i mean the most to, and who love me, and celebrate me being around every day- my dogs. then i will top it off by going to bed at 6pm curtousy of xanax and wine. happy birthday to me!