missing S

The hardest thing I've had to deal with in moving down here...I miss my best friend S (names have been abbreviated to protect the guilty).

We are very close & I am worried about what the future holds. Well, that and the fact that I'm wild about him & I am not sure what the hell (if anything) is going on with us in that dept. That's the drawback w/sleeping w/your best friend, kids. Learn from my mistake.

The thing is, there has always been something else there with us- some kind of attraction that goes beyond the physical (ya I think he's hot). We have a great connection that I worry will somehow deminish now that I've moved.

He's the first guy in a long LONG time that I've considered getting serious about, although we were never technically bf/gf. Such a strange complicated relationship. We played coy for a while, curious as to what the other thought. We were extremely attracted to each other, yet neither of us wanted to pursue anything at that time. We agreed to be "just friends" yet somehow ended up hooking up several times. I can't even begin to explain it.

I am so sad right now, I almost feel like I just broke up w/my bf. Except, since we WEREN'T bf/gf, I feel as if I have no right to be this sad. If we did date, at least people would understand. "I just broke up w/my bf", I could say. Or "I left a guy in Nor Cal when I moved". But all I can say if "Uh, there's a guy and I'm kinda sad about things didn't work out".

My gf Karyn says if things are meant to happen with me & S they will. I love that advice unless it is direced at me. I want the fortune that says "You will be guaranteed a great guy will love you". No ambiguity, please.