easy to feel, hard to say. i love you.

i love you. simple phrase. easy to feel, sometimes the hardest thing to say.

i felt like a begging puppy, when someone was eating steak. waiting. starving for those words. let down when he let the opportunity to say them slip by. i was obsessed with the idea of having someone love me. i felt like something was wrong with me that i never heard that phrase. i felt pathetic.

bf could never say "i love you". that simple thing was a deal breaker for me. in the course of our 9 month relationship he probably said it no more than 8 times. it ripped out my heart everytime i said it first and he barely responded with "love ya too".

so why the fuck did i stay???

i think i got so used to that starving feeling i didn't realize i was slowing wasting away. i wanted him to love me so bad that i was blind to the fact that he just couldn't. i just wanted that feeling of being loved so bad that i stuck around for those little glimpses of that.

looking back, that was a very good lesson. i cannot afford to have that happen to me again. i am alot smarter now. this experience has both set me back in my plans AND given me a big wakeup call at the same time.

i cannot wait around for a guy to grace me with his love. i need to find it other places.

i love me.